And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
