You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
