I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
