What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize