It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just invented taco cereal.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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