the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
pop tarts are not kleenex
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
