I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
