why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
