he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
