Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
