I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
