i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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