I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
