____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
