i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
