Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
