i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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