Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
