Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
