I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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