You're completely useless in the revolution.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
