im about as happy as oj after his trial
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize