last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize