Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
