Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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