what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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