I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
