I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
