I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
