now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
