Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
