She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
