Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
the raccoons are back...
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