New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
