I think I won the penis lottery.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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