Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
