I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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