i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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