Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I want to have your abortion
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize