yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
