and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
