At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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