Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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