He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
