My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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