Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
