why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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