I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
