Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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