oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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