Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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