i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We have started to decorate penises.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize