She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
