bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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