Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
