if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
