No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
