I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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