I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
