I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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