they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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