So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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