when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
