Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
