just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
