I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
where are my eyebrows?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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