Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He felt like a one man threesome
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
