dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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