I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
