Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
