I just found puke in my bra..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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