And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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