I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
