Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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