Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
